Post Partum The second my son was born, I never felt such love and joy in my entire life. The hospital stay was a learning curve but my husband and I are a great team and it went very smoothly. However, when we arrived home, a wave of something came over me and hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought to myself, “what the heck did we do and now what do we do?” I quick called my sister, who thankfully lives right down the street. She came over for awhile as I lay in bed, scared, worried, confused, in pain from giving birth, and a million other emotions. My sister rocked our son to sleep and sang to him which was very comforting. Once she left though, the wave nailed me again, and even harder. Thankfully, my husband is very supportive but helpful at the same time. Instead of him doing things for me, we figured out ways to do them together or ways in which I can accomplish the same things but in my own special way. The thing was/is, the ways I have always coped with my blindness in my own personal life, was totally different than this new situation. I needed to find new methods to deal with what I was experiencing. A lot of the issue was that I was having anxiety about having anxiety. Basically, I was worried about things that I had no control over. For example, diaper changing. I have no idea what was going on in my mind but for some reason, changing a diaper absolutely terrified me. I knew how to do it by now, and I was comfortable with what I was doing, but something about it did not sit right in my gut. After doing it over and over, it is no big deal now, but that took some time to get over for some reason. I didn’t want to be alone with my son. Again, I knew what to do and was confident in my ability to take care of my child but something about being alone, not having help if I needed it, scared the living daylights out of me. I also had to change or lower my expectations. Instead of having my own routine like I always did, I needed to accept the fact that the routine is going to be a bit different now, and that it was OK. I also needed to be OK with the fact that, it was allright if dishes sat in the sink overnight or if the laundry stayed in the dryer for two days. In the big scheme of things, these things did not matter. Spending time with my son, learning and growing as a family was and is the most important thing. In all honestly, I asked for an anti-anxiety medicine from my doctor and took it for two days. I have stomach issues and think that this medicine contributed to that. I stopped the medicine for a few reasons but mainly I didn’t want to feel like junk while still needing to take care of myself and my son. I saw a therapist three times and she was incredible. Assisting me in working through some of these crazy emotions and hormones that I had going on. I have always been an upbeat and positive person, but becoming a mother threw me for a crazy loop. Talking to others in my position or who have been in my spot really helped. They kept telling me “it gets better.” As hard as it was to hear in the moment, it really does get better. Don’t get me wrong, I still have my moments, but it truly does get better and better each day. My advice to you. Ask for help, talk to as many people as you can, medicine is OK, you are not weak, it will get better, and you got this.
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